Not to cruise

As much as there is still a part of me itching for the thrill of another adventure and the call of warm sea air, I just couldn't justify taking this job.

Since my main goal in working on a cruise ship was to make a lot of money in a hurry for school, it is no longer really worth the sacrifice of my every waking minute for the next 6 months. It would be a great experience, and really cool to say that I worked for Disney Cruise Line. However, I have had a lot of great experiences and I've worked in some pretty cool places. I'm ok with letting this one go.

I'm no longer just a kid looking for an experience. I have worked for Disney, I've had my adventures, and now I am at a point in my life where I want to put myself in position to build a career and settle down somewhere. Shocking, I know! I don't want another "once in a lifetime" experience. I just want a real life!

I guess it took walking away from that interview to realize that.

Since reaching this decision, I have already had 2 job offers here at home, both paying much higher than the boat, and both willing to work around my huge USA vacation coming up in March. I feel so incredibly blessed, and actually really happy to stay home for a while.


That right there is about the last thing I ever thought I would say! But I'm totally okay with just working hard, saving lots, and being dateless for a few months. I am close to family, my summer will be filled with small-town fairs and mountain hikes, and before I know it, I'll be moving south to become a student again. My big goals have become more important than my short-term adventures. Whoa... I think I might finally be growing up!

p.s. Thanks to those of you who cared enough to share your thoughts on this. You reminned me to really listen to and follow my heart:)

I love my country!!!

I want my body back!!

Generally I love my body, but I have reached a breaking point. I now weigh more than I did when I got home from my mission - which means the most I have EVER weighed. Normally, weight doesn't mean much to me. But this time it means I feel like crap! My body is not happy and it isn't gonna get any better unless I make some serious changes.

Now before you worry, or call-in a counselor, know that I am not obsessing. There is no self-hate or unrealistic ideals involved. I simply want to feel better!! I want my body to function at it's best and easily digest the food I eat. I want to fuel my body, not burden it. I want to feel energized, strengthened, beautiful, flexible, and young. I want to fit my clothes and look good in them again.

I have the tools, I have the know-how, but thanks to minor depression and holiday eating, I have allowed myself to eat junk and neglect my muscles.

So now, it's back to the gym and busting out the yoga mat EVERY DAY. This week I worked out 4 out of 7 days, so I'm getting on track! I am kick starting my recovery with a digestive cleanse, almost entirely of fresh fruits and vegetables. Then in a few weeks, I will be ready for the hardcore return of my beloved Body for Life.

I know how my body works. I have been in great shape before, and I know I can do it again. However, this time it is more than just slimming down, it is about feeling better. And I cannot wait to get there!!

"Please just call me red-headed and forgive me."

Today I realized how much I love my hair. My skin, weight, and other things may frustrate me, but at least I have one nice feature. It is naturally a really awesome color, it is thick and healthy, it's straight, yet holds curl well. I can do fun up-dos with it or leave it down. And thanks to my face shape, it works at almost any length. (although I really love it sassy, short, and spikey...)

"Nobody who has known a redhead can say that redheads are tame. Even shy redheads have a burning spark of adventure inside them. Opinionated, hotheaded, logical, loyal, friendly, reserved, whatever the redheads' personality, you can bet they'll have SCADS of it!" - Review of The Redhead Encyclopedia

"Of course, part of the problem with redheads is that there aren't enough of them. They make up just two percent of the population. So they're pretty extraordinary. Redheads are too numerous to be ignored, too rare to be accepted." - Grant McCracken

Yep, I have been very blessed with some lovely locks. And the color definitely plays a huge part in my identity and personality! It's the small things that keep you smiling, and when it comes to my hair, I wouldn't change a thing :)

Happy Love Day

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection."

- Buddha

To cruise or not to cruise...

When I returned from France and was searching for a purpose in life, I applied to Disney Cruise Line. It was something I had thought about before in my different Disney adventures. It seemed like good timing, when I had no real relationships or commitments on the horizon. Now, months later, I just returned from a trip to Montreal for my interview with Disney Cruise Line. And today, I got a job offer.

Here is the dilemma: After all that work and waiting and expense to get this job, I'm not sure that I want it. Since I applied, I made some decisions about my future, and I'm not sure this fits anymore. In addition to that, I left the interview feeling very strange and even adverse to the possibility. It was like my entire outlook on this opportunity changed entirely in a matter of minutes.

So now I am weighing the pros and cons and exploring my options. Please share your wisdom and advice!! I am normally very set on what I want to do, and this time I just don't know...

First, let me explain my long-term plan. I want to go to grad school this fall to go into Education. I'm just finishing the applications, so I will not know for another couple of months if I am accepted. I want to start building an actual career, instead of bouncing between random jobs as I have done since college. And I want that career to make a difference in the world - even if that difference is only felt in my little classroom. So the solution I'm seeking now, is to make the most money possible up until I start school.

My current options are:
1. To work for Disney Cruise Line until I start grad school, or, in the case that I do not get into grad school, for an undetermined amount of time.
2. To stay and work in my Canadian hometown until I begin school in the fall...or figure out another option if I don't get into school.

So the way I see it, here are the arguments.
Disney Cruise Line
Pros:

• No room and board to pay for my entire contract
• Working in AC on the boat, but still get to enjoy the sunshine
• Meet new people and friends from all over the world
• Work for Disney again
• Close to my Florida friends at the beginning and end of my contract
• Transportation costs included
• Park tickets and Disney discounts
• 24-hour gym
• Getting out of here!
• Independence
• Potential for future contracts during school breaks and over summer.

Cons:

• Pay is only $346/week (which is $200 lower than I was originally told in my phone interview)
• Regular work week is about 70 hours, so the overtime pay does not kick in until you work 70-94 hours.
• No days off, which means no church, no temple, no special occasions, no vacations for up to six months
• Little control over my diet
• Limited phone/Internet access
• Potential overlap of my contract dates with the dates to start school
• No EFY
• Itty bitty living space

Home
Pros:

• Freedom to travel; visits to friends and family in the US, mountains/camping, etc this summer (which I haven't done in years)
• Church every week, monthly temple attendance, potential YSA activities, etc.
• Potential to be an EFY counselor this summer. I have wanted to do this since I was a participant in the program, but every year something came up. Since I'm 28, this is the last year I can do it (my interview is next week)
• More time close to family
• Earning potential of $11-$15/hour, plus overtime opportunities
• Can leave anytime I need to for school or other options
• Invest in a car I can take with me to school...?
• Possibility of having my own space

Cons:

• It's so dang cold!
• Dependant on my parents for a vehicle and housing
• Trying to find a short-term rental agreement, or living with my parents
• If I get my own place I'd have to borrow or buy some furniture because all of mine stayed in Florida
• Living expenses like rent, utilities, groceries, and gas money
• Limited social outlets, few friends or even people my age

Help!! What do you think? I'm so torn! In a way, I feel like I have had plenty of adventures, and I want to start investing my time and energy into a real career. I feel like I've grown up a little, and I should stay close to my priorities: faith, family, and friends. Yet on the other hand, this is such a fun and interesting opportunity!

Either way, there will be sacrifices involved. I just want to make sure that I am giving up the right things in a worthwhile effort, and that I'm moving in the right direction. I know it's only a few months, but in my life, a few months can change everything...

Sister Act

I got home from my mission five years ago today. I can't believe how quickly that time has gone by! I am amazed by all that I have done! I NEVER thought I would be one of those "old" girls that still wasn't married years after her mission. But then again, I've never been one to do what was expected :)

I don't feel old, I feel fabulous!!! Besides, I'm just starting to get the hang of this whole 'life' thing!lol

Humbled, Grateful, Inspired

In the process of completing job and school applications recently, I have had to gather several reference letters. I got to read a couple of them. It was so very flattering, encouraging, and humbling to hear such incredible comments made about me, by people I admire and respect very much. It made me want to work a little harder to be all those things in my own eyes too.

Then today I received a surprise package from a dear friend. It is a planner/workbook for embracing and celebrating who I am throughout 2010. I was so touched to know that such a great person was thinking of me and wanting to help me be happy.

These things have come at a time when I really needed to feel loved, and be reminded of what I am capable of. It's amazing what a few simple words or a kind gesture can mean to a stressed-out soul:)

I am a GLEEK

Disclaimer: This is an entirely superficial post in an attempt to give my soapbox a well-needed break.

Say what you will, I love GLEE! I got a taste of it last summer, but between living in Europe and not having tv when I came home, I missed it all. However, I recently got the soundtrack and watched a few episodes online. It just makes me happy! It is about talented people from all sorts of backgrounds pulling together and stepping up to become something better. It's about seeing beyond yourself and being a part of something. I loved watching the kids learn with each episode, and I laughed at the guys who were still idiots after all they had experienced(typical!). I love how the overall feeling is so positive, without ignoring the daily garbage that comes with high school. Top it all off with beautiful singing/dancing men, inspirational music, lots of laughs, and some powerhouse musical talent. Plus, the adorable Cory Monteith is Canadian:) Love it.

I've also recently busted out the first few seasons of Smallville, which I have owned for years and only seen a handful of episodes. (I didn't even know this show was still on - in it's 9th season! - until I looked for this picture) Cheesy, over-the-top sci-fi stories and teenage melodrama... somehow it makes me smile. And I've always been a sucker for Superman.

So as you can see, my main entertainment sources currently consist of eavesdropping on the lives of fictional teenagers. When you live far from your friends and social outlets and you are more or less housebound by the cold, you find things like this to keep you smiling. It's my escape :) Besides, the guys of Glee and Smallville are the closest I have been to attractive single men in months! A girl needs cute boys in her life!!! LOL

One little word

I recently stumbled across the blog of a friend of mine, where she chose one word as the theme of her year. I love that idea, cuz I have had one small word crowding my thoughts for a few weeks.

HOPE:(noun) 1. the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best 2. to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence 3.to believe, desire, or trust

As I have spent the past few months reflecting on my experiences and searching out my future path, I have been clinging to hope. I am not where I want to be, and yet I believe that I am on my way. I don't have all the answers, but they are coming, gradually. I have felt incredible heartache for people I love. I've seen them lose touch with precious things, and experience humiliating trials. I wish I could solve all their problems and make the hurt go away. I wish I could help them see the light, regain courage, and move forward. Though I can't do it myself, I have hope that they can. And after the devastating earthquake, I feel so overwhelmed by the need of the Haitian people. Yet, I have hope for them too.

That's what hope is: trusting in the possibilities when the reality gives you nothing but despair.
Hope is the glue when everything seems to fall apart. The new dream when nothing is as you expected. It is the hug of encouragement when you feel like a disappointment and failure. It's the light of inspiration when it seems you've done it all, but must keep going. It's the vision of the future when it seems so close yet so very far away. It's the courage to smile when everyone around you is enjoying the very opportunities you ache to have. It is the clarifying guide when you are alone, and feeling lost; the burst of energy when you feel you have nothing more to give. It is the faith to keep trying when it just seems impossible.

Last year, my life was filled with adventure. This year, I have grown up and settled down somewhat. My focus has changed. I am still dreaming, believing, and pushing forward into the darkness, but the goals I am reaching for now are not specific destinations, nor are they within my immediate control. So instead of planning adventures, I hope that I will succeed. I hope that I can continue my education. I hope that I will be able to study, travel, work, serve and meet many wonderful new people. And I hold onto hope in my future, that I will someday get to experience the joys my freinds are feeling; that I have not been forgotten, but simply have a longer journey to make.

It is hope that has kept me afloat thus far, and I look forward to a new year filled with it. At least, I hope it will be :)