Someday...

It's so great to have modern communication technologies like email, blogs, and facebook to keep in touch with the people I love and find out about all their happiness.
But I tell you what, I can't wait for the day that I will post pictures of me and my fiance, and we will be as beautiful and happy as my beautiful and happy friends!! And then we will have beautiful, happy babies, and post pictures of them all over too. Woohoo!

Happy Birthday to me!

I turned 27 today.
I've always been excited to be 27. It just seemed like a cool age to be. It means you're passed all the awkward teenage years, done with college, yet still young and fun. Plus it's a multiple of 9 - my favorite number, and on top of that, it's the year 2009. So I was excited about this year.
I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be when I turned 27. I guess I didn't have a specific plan, but I didn't think I'd be at my parents, single, and not working in the career I went to school for. Kinda disappointing in a way. But then I stop to think about all the things I HAVE done that I never expected, and it's rather inspirational.
Since my day was pretty low-key and out of my hands, I decided that for my birthday I would give myself a post, completely dedicated to celebrating who I am and what I have accomplished. I hope you can put up with a little self-glorification for today - it took me a lot of thinking to come up with this and actually post it. However, in light of my recent blogs and thoughts in the opposite direction, I think this is probably a very healthy thing.

I'm good at making friends and I love people. Everyone has a different story and it's fascinating to me, to learn how people got to be the way they are, and what brought them to that point. I feel like I have acquired enough random info to be able to converse with just about anyone. And I can get along with people of almost any age. Of course there are some relationships that click and progress more than others, but I never really have to worry about having friends. I have so many wonderful ones, and the ability to make more wherever I go.

I am a great party planner and hostess. I know how to network invitees, and to find people to help(another benefit of my many friends). I have pretty good theme ideas, and I can pull together an event on any budget. I especially love wedding planning and I hope that some day this little hobby will work itself into a career.

I'm good with kids. And I've been getting better as I get older - I guess that's a good sign;) I like to get down to their level and play and talk with them. As long as I sleep enough to keep up, it's so fun. Little ones can teach you much about the world.

I'm willing to try just about anything once. Minus the illegal and blatantly stupid, you never know till you try. But you don't have to do it again.

I am educated. I have an Associate of Science and a Bachelor of Arts. And somehow I survived university with a 3.5 final GPA and kept scholarships most of the way through.

I speak French well. I've been told this multiple times, and apparently it's rare for a non-native. It may be because I love learning accents, worked very hard to speak correctly, and learn tons of vocabulary. I love languages, but it still takes a lot of work to maintain them.

I'm good at doing hair. I've never had formal training, but by observation and experimentation, I've developed pretty good skills. I've done hair for weddings, parties, and stage productions. I'm pretty good with wigs too. It's a very random talent, but it comes in handy nonetheless.

I am a performer - in every sense of the word. I never focused enough to perfect any one element of performance, but I can sing, I can act, and I can dance. Not to mention, I'm a great public speaker, and people think I'm funny! I love the stage and entertaining a crowd. I suppose that goes along with being the hostess and making friends. I don't always have to be, but I enjoying being the center of attention. And I LOVE to dress up:) It's so fun to create a whole new look and escape by simple, inexpensive means. I guess that's why I love working for Disney. There, I am part of the big show. I put my game face on, and make people smile. It's both challenging and rewarding.

OK, it's more than I can dance, I am a dancer. I can't stand still when I hear a good beat. I LOVE to groove! Be it formal ballroom, specific traditional and cultural dances, hip hop, or just gettin' down, I love it!

I can appreciate so many different cultures. I love the music and dance, the food, the languages, the clothing and customs. I can't get enough!

And hence, I am an adventurer. I love to discover new people and places. I always take a zillion pictures and can find bargains in any country. I'm independent enough to travel alone, but I love to go with friends. While others ask "Why?" I ask "Why not?!"

I got myself over my ocean life phobia. What used to cause me major anxiety, with emotional and physiological effects, now can be controlled and channeled. I still don't love hanging out with fishies, but at least I don't scream or pass out anymore:)

I'm a dreamer and a fighter. I have big dreams, and plans to see them through. I don't just sit around wishing, I tend to make things happen. When I want something, I explore every possibility. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Either way, I learn and my abilities increase every time.

I have a good bod. I'm not super skinny but I'm not overly voluptuous either. My girls are just the right size and I've been told many times that I have a nice butt. ha ha! I can build muscle fairly easily, and I'm a lot stronger than I look. I used to hate this, because of my monster thighs, but I have learned to appreciate the strength and definition my muscles give me. I am also more or less healthy. I do not have chronic conditions or illness to deal with, and for that I am very grateful.

I have golden-brown eyes and shiny red hair. Not many can claim that combination:)

I can cook, and I enjoy it too:) I can follow recipes, but I also like to experiment and create tasty and healthy dishes. One of my favorite games is creating a meal that's good for you, but you'd never know by the flavor.

I am very organized and like to clean, but I'm not OCD. I have a very practical way of approaching things, and love to keep things systematized and in order.

I love the colors black, blue, yellow, and especially green, and I look really good in them too. I have my own style that blends new trends with classic and fun looks. I don't cave to brand names or labels. In fact, I pride myself on finding great stuff on sale. I almost never pay full price.

I am feisty, sassy, and dang sexy if I do say so myself! I have learned that there is a time and place for everything, though, so I adapt to what is appropriate for the situation.

I lead naturally, but I have learned to follow. Sometimes you have to, to keep the peace.

I am a writer, a teacher, and a storyteller. I like words and finding new ways to put them together to engage an audience. Just saying something a different way can completely change perspective.

I'm a counsellor. I really wish I had credentials, cuz i would be rich by now! I guess I'm a good observer, because I can see small problems and miscommunication, and find solutions. I have helped many a friend work through a relationship or other dillemma. I've given some great advice to people who are now happily married. Someday it'll start working for me....

I am a member of the true Church of Jesus Christ. I gave 18 months of my life to serve Him. I know what is most important in this life. I am not naively going through the motions. I know God's plan, and treasure my covenants with Him. I'm a good girl. My adventures, flirtation, and rebellion are all within limits. Deep down, I just want to do the right thing, and qualify for all that He has promised me.

Wow... I'M AWESOME! Despite my many mistakes and weaknesses, I am a great person capable of doing great things. I have already, and I will do much more. Thanks for indulging me. I really do feel better! I know this really is just an in-between phase for me. Times like these make you appreciate the rest, and push you to work harder to have them. I have been so very blessed! I have so many talents! I have so many opportunities to grow!

And I'm just beginning; pen's in my hand, ending unplanned...

I'm Yours

This song never fails to make me happy. Sometimes I listen to it over and over to boost my mood. It has seen me through many a grey day. It's not anything profound or spectacular, but the tune, words, and vocals are all just happy. And Jason Mraz is fabulous:)

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1452197124/bctid1452199675

The best part about this song is that it reminds me of so many of my favorite people.

The first time I heard it was while visiting my best friend. She sang it with another friend who had learned it on guitar, while I ate the chocolate chip cookies they had just made. Yay:)
Then a few months later, my roommate and I saw the video on TV while flipping channels and we searched it out on Itunes. I created my Happy/Chill mix. That was also when I rediscovered the genius of Jason Mraz.
A little later I went to Tampa to rescue two friends from the airport for their Florida vacation. We listened to it again and discovered our common love of Jason:)
A couple weeks after that, I played it to cheer up my dear friend as she struggled through the last weeks of her battle with cancer.
Shortly after that, my dear friend and new roomie moved to Orlando and we bought tickets to see Jason, but I got stuck in Canada (curse you, border patrol!!) so my sister got to use my ticket:(
Then for Christmas, I got to spend an amazing week with a man who loved teasing me about saying "chill" so much, and he was "so hot that I melted," and "our time [was way] too short" so it makes me think of him too;)
And then two of my favorite people went on a date and sang this very song together while he played it on his wooden guitar. Isn't that adorable?!
So yes, I love this song and it makes me happy. Thank you to some of my favorite people: Sarah, Bethany, Hannah, Jessica, Jewell, Aaron, and Mathus. I love you guys! And many thanks to Jason Mraz. Someday I'll see you in concert!

You would cry too if it happened to you...

Many of my friends are married. Many are having their 2nd and 3rd children. I want so badly to be a mother and build a family with a good man, but it hasn't worked out for me yet. When I was in Orlando, I was totally ok with being single. I had so many awesome friends, so many fun and worthwhile things to do, and if all else failed, I had the beach for therapy:)
However, being back in Alberta has made me painfully aware of my singleness. It is so cold and there’s so much snow that I barely go outside most days, and rarely travel far. My skin is dry and my allergies are relentless. I’m physically irritated, emotionally alienated from my dear friends thousands of miles away, and mentally lost. I’m trying to gather up the pieces of my life and convince myself that I’m happy, when all that I want for my life is back in Florida. In this isolated environment, it’s so hard not to focus on what I lack. Even the most positive person can only push through so much.
Well today I struck out, in the form of 3 hardballs:
First I talked to an old high school friend who just had her 3rd baby. She’s so sweet and happy and has a darling family. For a second she was encouraging, “You’re young and ambitious and since you have no attachments, you can just up and leave.” Yeah, that’s cool right? But then she said, “But are you lonely?” Wow, thanks for mentioning it, yes I am. I am alone and it sucks. Anything else you wanted to talk about? I know she didn’t mean to rub it in my face, but… well, she did.
Second, I stumbled across some facebook notes mentioning the sheer romantic bliss of an ex. I just LOVE how I have been through so many dating situations, had my heart ripped out more than a couple times, and then I get to hear about these jerk men finding the love of their lives in a girl younger than me, who they dated for about 5 minutes. I know that shouldn’t bother me, but it does. It makes me feel like crap.
The final blow came tonight as we picked up some things at Home Depot. A guy working there recognized me as Tyler’s sister. They went to kindergarten together. Yeah, crazy. The fact that he recognized me from my 8 year old self could be either good or bad. But then we found out that this guy, a couple years my junior, is getting married in June. As we left the store Dad vocalized exactly what I was thinking, “Look at that Ame, everyone else is getting married and you’re going to France.” Thanks Dad. Yep, I’m the loser who can’t get married. Awesome.
I know I’m far from being an old maid. I know that I have been promised blessings that WILL come because I am trying so hard to be obedient and diligent. But why is it so easy for other people to take that step? Why have I had my heart broken so miserably, and I’m still alone? Why do I keep getting so close I can almost taste it, just to have it all fall apart and slap me in the face? What’s wrong with me that nobody wants me to be their forever? Why did things finally work with the most amazing man just a week before I was exiled to Canada? Why am I freakin’ Canadian??!? And why is he so wonderful that I just can’t forget and move on? I hate this. When will this test finally be over??
And hence why I am running away to France. I will still be alone and without any answers, but at least I will have pastries and the City of Lights to drown my frustrations.
And boy will I be cool. Woohoo.

I just feel yecky

I have so many wonderful things to write about the last month, but I just can't do it right now. Today has been rough. And it's all inside. The reality of leaving Florida is finally starting to sink in and it literally makes me feel ill. It's so hard to understand why I had to leave a place and people that I love so much. I don't get why it's so hard for me to take the next step, or why I'm not really excited about being anywhere else. I don't think i've ever hated change so much. I wish I could just get excited about something!

I think I must be addicted to people. I thrive on conversation. I live to play and talk and dance with my friends. I find so much comfort in knowing that someone who cares about me is there, even if we're just silently watching a movie. And I really love the feeling of being close to someone you are attracted to, who also respects and appreciates you. When you can completely relax and be yourself, all the while thinking what an amaing person you are talking to. Especially when it has been a long time coming and finally just works out - right before you leave the country for a year. AAAAARGRGRHRHHHHH!

I have got the most wonderful friends in the world and I miss them all so much. Especially my five closest friends: Kjersti, Hannah, Nora, Sarah, and Jewell, who are all very far away from me right now. These five women have inspired and supoorted and kicked my butt through so many crazy trials this year. I wish I could give back to them even half of what they have done for me. I love them, I miss them, and I wish I could just figure out a way to live close to all of them - or at least in the same country :(