Here I sit on an unseasonably pleasant Albertan winter day, in a quiet old house looking out over the white fields and leafless trees. It's Valentine's Day and, I think for the first time ever, I hardly noticed. Honestly, I cannot think of a single place I would rather be today. There is no one in particular for whose affections I am pining. I have no need to validate my singleness with some "Singles Awareness Day" party, nor do I feel the urge to drown my loneliness in chick flicks and ice cream. I am simply grateful. Grateful for the blessings of recognizing and following simple promptings in my life. I am grateful for my incredible family who are constantly giving and serving. I am thankful for the amazing love I feel from my Father in Heaven, and for the opportunity I have to share His love and be an instrument in His hands to lift, serve, and love His other precious children.
A few months ago I had the impression that I should take this semester off to work. Although winter was sort of an odd time to go home, it meant spending less on summer tuition instead, taking a break from school stress, and being there to help out with the house and business while my parents are service missionaries in Hawaii. As Christmas quickly approached, I doubted my decision and thought about sticking it out at school. But every time I did a wave of stress and anxiety came over me. My advisor offered to let me take her required class online, and in spite of the little speed bumps and distractions, I was ready to take a break from Utah and full-time studies.
With this time to step away from life, so to speak, I set 3 general goals for myself , focusing on family, fitness, and financial stability. I wanted to earn enough money to pay for my summer term and ease me into another round of students loans in the fall. I wanted to focus on getting my body healthy again so that I can feel energized, confident, and happy about how I look and feel. And most importantly, I wanted to strengthen my relationships with my family members through service, and establishing better communication.
Although I have been less than diligent on the physical goal, it is amazing how things are coming together for me. I am doing very physically demanding and active work, so I can already feel my muscles waking up. I have an awesome bed and usually manage to get about 8 hours of sleep. And I am enjoying the high fructose corn syrup-free foods and free-range meats that are standard fare in Alberta. My parents have been very generous while I do my best to help out, so for the first time in a very long time, money is not a primary cause of stress in my life.
Most importantly, I have been able to spend extensive amounts of time with my parents, as I helped with their different ventures in Hawaii, and now my sister, who has been holding down the fort all alone for 3 months and finally has someone to share her jokes, cook with, share a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. The friendship we have found is worth every challenge to get here. (more on that in another post...) I also get to see my older sister and nephews more often, and hopefully my brother, sister-in-law and nephew soon too.
These blessings didn't come without trials and sacrifice. I had to pay rent for an empty room for 2 and a half months because I found no one to finish out my lease. I slept very little the last weeks of school in order to finish all my final projects and pack up my things. I gave up several job opportunities in my field to work for my dad in industrial oil. And now I live in the frozen tundra of northern Alberta where the nearest singles activities are 2 hours away, and spring doesn't come till May.
But despite the little challenges, I am simply amazed by all the blessings that have poured into my existence. I spent a beautiful and precious 6 weeks living in Hawaii, meeting wonderful friends, and gaining experiences that will last a lifetime. What should be the coldest two months of the year have lingered just below or even above freezing since I got home, with a few brief cold spells but nothing like the typical winter weather here. I'm managing to survive an online class I have very little time or energy to focus on, I have the world's most comfortable bed, and I've discovered the hilarity of "Community." And this afternoon when my little sister came home in tears after a scary doctor's appointment and uncertain future for her eyes, I was here to hold her, and to take over her responsibilities.
I can't help but think about those little impressions I had a few months ago, and how important my being here has turned out to be. That clear connection between spiritual promptings of the past with my vital presence today further proves why I need to trust in the loving God who is guiding me, ever so gently, all along my way. It strengthens my faith that other issues will work out, that someday all this debt for an advanced degree with very little monetary advantage, all my failed relationships, and all my illogical moves and adventures will make sense - and even play an important role in my life. And all through faithfully following little impressions and quiet promptings, despite what I think I want or what makes logical sense to me at the time.
"We can ask ourselves, “Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?” There are so many good things to do, but we can’t do all of them. Our Heavenly Father is most pleased when we sacrifice something good for something far greater with an eternal perspective." - President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Where I am and what I am doing right now is something far greater than I could ever be doing anywhere else, and I'm thankful for days like this to remember that. Happy love day everyone!
