Tomorrow!!!

I get to meet my nephew Miles tomorrow. Isn't he ADORABLE?!?!?

I'm so excited!!!

And he's bringing his parents so I get to hang out with my brother and sister-in-law too.

YAY:)

All growed up

Last night I went to the wedding of a friend from high school. It was the first time that I was actually home to attend one of their weddings. It was like walking back in time, or into the Twilight Zone... But it was also really fun. I got to catch up with several of the dozen girls who went through most of school with me.

I soon discovered that I am the only one who speaks a foreign language, the only one who went to university outside of Alberta, and the only one who hasn't settled down within 2 hours of where we all grew up. I am also the only member of the church, and ironically, I am the only one who isn't married and having babies. That kinda made me a little sad, but I am so happy for them.

One friend, who is a total sweetheart and has been trying for years to have a baby, finally got pregnant. She is thrilled, and I couldn't be happier for them. She hasn't changed at all, in so many good ways. Love this girl:)

The plus side is that being away has allowed me to forget any bad experiences with these people. I enjoy some more than others, but I missed out on all the drama. So I get to just enjoy them for who they are now.

I long for the day when I can share my own husband-and-baby stories, but I don't regret a thing. I am grateful for the people and experiences that have made me who I am. I am so grateful for all the places I have been and the opportunities that have enlightened my life. I have learned so much.

And someday, I will be a great mom because of it!! Till then, I hold to what I know, trust the Lord, and enjoy all the great women, beautiful babies, and fun little people around me:)

The one and only

I love the gospel of Jesus Christ!! I love seeing people embrace it!! I love the good people who joyfully serve and work to share it!!

Since being home 2 people have been baptized, I have done proxy endowment sessions, I have worked with the missionaries, I have listened to and read the past year's conference talks(yay for the November Ensign!!!), I attended stake conference, I got to share my own testimony on several occasions, and I was present as a family with a wild and crazy background was sealed in the holy temple. HAPPY!!!!!

I love my Savior. I know He lives! I know God the Father loves me and has a plan for me. Even when nothing makes sense to me, I know it's all part of His plan, and therefore it will all work out eventually. Elder Henry B. Eyring said:

"Hard as things seem today, they will be better in the next day if you choose to serve the Lord this day."

Isn't that awesome?!? If you don't know what I know, or maybe you forgot, check out this link.

http://jesuschrist.lds.org/SonOfGod/eng/the-only-true-god/video/the-only-true-god-and-jesus-christ-whom-he-hath-sent

or

http://www.lds.org/

This is Christ's church, and it's alive and well in the hearts and lives of good people everywhere. I am so blessed to know that! It's what makes this crazy life worth living.

Preach and teach and work.... and play!

I have always loved missionaries. As I got older, and then served a mission myself, I saw Elders in a discerning light, and loved the good ones even more. And as I got older, they were even younger.

The current Elders in my branch are certainly good ones. In fact, these guys are the closest I have to friends-in-the-flesh right now. Elder Holder and Elder Saunders both grew up in Idaho, are on the homestretch, and are really great guys. Maybe it's cuz they are American so we understand each other. Maybe its cuz they are really funny, energetic guys, with incredible love and devotion to the gospel and to their callings. Or maybe it's because they harass me like my guy friends used to. Either way, I am so grateful for them. They have helped us with a lot of work on the house, and we have fed them a lot too:) They came out for a bonfire at our place last week and gave me roman candles to shoot off. The other day, after a morning snowfall and installing a support beam in the basment, they totally ambushed me in a snowball fight. I'm pretty sure I have bruises!

I am so grateful for them. They don't ask me questions I don't have answers to, they just joke with me, respect me, and thank me for being awesome:) They are just what I need right now. And I'm sure they have no idea. I just wish I could hug them! lol

Home is a relative term

What I thought would be a safe and happy landing in a place I knew and was comfortable in - well, wasn't. My parents weren't even in the country when I got here. Honestly, if I had known what I was coming back to, I probably would have stayed longer in France. Good thing I didn't know! Cuz in spite of the discomfort and frustration, I know I am needed here. There is soooo much work to do, and of course, dad wants to do it himself. So I am free labour, and expert home decorating advisor:)

I have had to re-define my idea of 'home.' The house I knew and grew up in, is now but a shell, literally. All the walls of the basement were torn out, and the floor jack-hammered and re-poured. The living room and kitchen have been swapped. Doors became windows and stairs now enter on the opposite side of the basement. Since I no longer have a room, I sleep in a camp trailer. However, since it is already starting to freeze, we have to go in the house for any and all plumbing. Yep, just like camping - in Canada - in the winter. Plus, with my travels around Europe, I have now been living out of a suitcase for over 2 months. Joy.

Where my room used to be

The basement

The new kitchen

I've gotten used to disappointment. I'm no stranger to being alone. I've been in odd situations before. But that doesn't make it any more enjoyable now!

I felt so much peace about coming back to Canada. For the first time ever, I wanted to be here. Perhaps this rocky homecoming is a way of reminding me that I really don't have a place here. I'm sure I can contribute to my family and church. I can learn new things like spanish, piano, and basic home renovation. I go to the gym and help the missionaries. But before long, there is a halt in progression, because I'm learning it all alone.

This town is a great place for young families. There are good people here. They are nice people. But they are too busy with their kids, careers, homes, and callings to really be my friends. They are in different places in their lives. If I was married, I think I could even put up with the winters. But as a single young adult, there is no future. I have zero dating possibilities here.

I was totally fine with being single when I was in France. I could pretty much go wherever, and do whatever I wanted to, and I had tons of diverse friends to keep life interesting. In Orlando, I was in a place I loved, close to the temple and the beach, and I had great friends around to play and eat and dance with. But when all the friends are miles away and the communication is slim to none, suddenly I feel very, very single and very, very alone.

And once again, the only place to go in to your knees. My prayers are stilled filled with gratitude, but they are longer, and accompanied by many more tears.

I hate feeling pathetic and lost. I don't like all the questions I don't have answers to. I hate looking like a failure, and disappointing my parents. I feel out of control of my life.

So I try to stay positive and count my blessings. I serve. I remind myself of all the amazing things I have seen. I focus my energies on achieving goals and progressing, in spite of my residential or relationship status.

And someday I will establish my own 'home.' It will be somewhere I can feel safe and loved. Where I can progress and learn, but also serve and teach and share. My home will be a haven of peace and positivity where the spirit can dwell, and where all who enter can find a shelter from the storms of the world. It will be a place filled with memories and souvenirs of the people, places, and adventures that have made me who I am. It will be a daily celebration of life, family, and the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Someday I will find it. For now, I guess I'm learning patience - again.

Homeward Bound

"Another summer day has come and gone away in Paris and Rome, but I wanna go home..."

For the first time in my life, I understand exactly the lyrics of this song. It made me cry the other day. And for the first time since I moved out nearly 9 years ago, I am so happy to go home.

In just 5 days, I will be back on Canadian soil, having completed another chapter of my life, and ready to figure out the next one. The french chapter turned out to be a little shorter than expected, but I really feel good about all that I have learned and experienced and become while here. I have been soooooooo blessed!! And all because my life turned upside down, I finally hit bottom, and turned it all over to the Lord.

I have never felt so much peace and confidence in the midst of so much uncertainty. I am homeless, jobless, broke, and single..... and I feel great:)

I will soon have a little more time on my hands to catch you up on all my adventures and insights of the past months, and I look forward to re-living it a little. I cannot express how bewildered I am by all this. I feel so humbled. I never would have imagined myself at this point a year ago, and I can't wait to see where I'll be a year from now!

Thank you for all your encouragement, support, contact, and well-wishes. I truly have some of the best friends in the world - all over the world!!

I don't think I'll ever stop counting my blessings, there are far too many. And all this came from one of the most devastating experiences of my life. God truly is a God of miracles, and His plan is perfect!

We are family

I am currently staying with a fabulous Colombian family, the Londonos, in between my travel days. I have known them since my mission, and I seem to fit right in! They are all such warm, happy, loving people, and have been so kind to open their home to me. I may not be here very often, but when I am I know I can totally relax and feel at home.
Today, after a long day of flying and bus rides and hauling my suitcases all over the countryside, I finally got home just before 6pm. I was gone just one week while visiting Israel. As I walked in the door, I was meant by all 5 kids, ranging in age from 2 to 17. They were all full of hugs and kisses and so happy to see me and hear about my trip. I felt so loved!! Talk about a warm welcome. That is what home should be. I love these people and their righteous examples. I'm so grateful for the time I have to spend with them.
Plus they help me with my spanish:) Muy bien!