My brother is officially a geek

This evening our dining room was taken over by my little brother and his friends as they discussed the latest video game releases, and played dungeons and dragons. They chowed down on soda pop and potatoe chips during their weekly geek out, then finished the night with a round of stupid-funny videos on YouTube. Woohoo.
Although it's a little foreign to me, I definitely prefer this to the alternative activities that occupy the lives of far too many 18-year-olds. But wow... it was so bizarre!

One small trip; one giant leap for my social life.

In an attempt to get out of my boring world and fake a social life, I went to Edmonton last weekend. It is the nearest big city, about 2 hours away, and there are a lot of YSAs. I also have a lot of family in the city, plus several of the stores I love, and the temple.

So on Saturday I got to go to Ikea and Old Navy (where I got some SWEET deals), and did a session at the temple. It was very busy: a wedding outside, a youth baptisms trip, and a young fiancee receiving her own endowment, surrounded by family. Happy! I was already pretty content with my shopping and all, but the experience I had at the temple was exactly what I needed. I felt so loved! I'm telling you, God knows us individually, and the temple truly is a sacred place where He can communicate with us more directly. AMAZING!!

That evening I got to catch up with Chelsa, an old friend who is such a doll. We talked and talked and talked and watched 'One fine day.' What better way to cap off a great day then with the young and dreamy George Clooney? :)

Sunday I attended her singles ward and was reminded how fun and interesting that environment is. And they are pretty much the same wherever you go. I need to get back into that scene one of these days...

I spent monday with my cousin Cathy and her 2 little ones. They are about the most active and adventurous kids under 3 I have ever met. So fun! We took them to a play place, crawled through the tunnels with them, talked, ate, and had a grand ol' time. Cathy and I are about the same age, but we haven't spent much time together in a very long time. And motherhood has made her even more awesome, so it was a great visit.

They all want me to move to Edmonton, but I just can't get my head around it. I don't know why but it doesn't feel right... Plus it snows even more there than here! I'm sure there will be many more visits though. Sanity only lasts so long without a recharge.

And this weekend was perfectly that :)

But then the fun continued...

See, there is a YSA Preference formal this coming weekend. Chelsa is going and really wanted me to go too. With my love of dressing up and dances and parties, how could I resist?? The only problem was the date. I know no one... (well almost no one, but the almost is simply not an option)

So Chelsa opened up her facebook friends list and we went shopping.(haha!) She showed me a few guys who were nice, or funny, then she all of a sudden she was like, "Wait, this guy is awesome!! He's so fun, and he's cute!"

She wasn't lying, he's certainly attractive. And approximately my age. And, judging by the photos, way fun.

Hmmm...

So she messaged him to see if he had been asked, and if he was up for a blind date. And a few days later, I got myself a date to the dance. He is a brave soul.

And I'm totally excited!!!

I'll let you know how it goes...

"Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."

(Story of my life! Good thing I love to dance... cuz the storms can get pretty overwhelming.)

Glimpses

I believe God gives us little moments, every so often, to remind us what it is that we are working towards. It's these little tastes of pure happiness that help us push through the daily frustrations and little miseries that make the accomplishments of such goals seem so far away and nearly impossible.

This past week was one of those glimpses for me. I got to spend many precious hours feeding, burping, changing, observing, snuggling with, and simply loving my adorable nephew Miles. He is just 11 weeks old, but he is such a strong, sweet, beautiful baby. And he's still so close to heaven! We shared some pretty awesome moments, and that little dude got me teary-eyed on several occasions. I love, love, love him!!! (How can you not?!? Look at that smile!)

The highlight of my week, was Friday night. We gave his parents the night off and I took care of him. He spent the most of the night sleeping soundly in my arms (I know, I spoiled him). It was wonderful. (Thank you soooooo much Terrah and Tyler!! You guys are the best!!)

I want so much to be a mom. I ache to have a child of my own. However, I currently lack the highly important other half to that equation... I hope and pray that I will have the opportunity to have my own sweet little babies someday. And if they are half as wonderful as little Miles, I will be the happiest momma around!

In the meantime, I thank heaven for the glimpses.

Tomorrow!!!

I get to meet my nephew Miles tomorrow. Isn't he ADORABLE?!?!?

I'm so excited!!!

And he's bringing his parents so I get to hang out with my brother and sister-in-law too.

YAY:)

All growed up

Last night I went to the wedding of a friend from high school. It was the first time that I was actually home to attend one of their weddings. It was like walking back in time, or into the Twilight Zone... But it was also really fun. I got to catch up with several of the dozen girls who went through most of school with me.

I soon discovered that I am the only one who speaks a foreign language, the only one who went to university outside of Alberta, and the only one who hasn't settled down within 2 hours of where we all grew up. I am also the only member of the church, and ironically, I am the only one who isn't married and having babies. That kinda made me a little sad, but I am so happy for them.

One friend, who is a total sweetheart and has been trying for years to have a baby, finally got pregnant. She is thrilled, and I couldn't be happier for them. She hasn't changed at all, in so many good ways. Love this girl:)

The plus side is that being away has allowed me to forget any bad experiences with these people. I enjoy some more than others, but I missed out on all the drama. So I get to just enjoy them for who they are now.

I long for the day when I can share my own husband-and-baby stories, but I don't regret a thing. I am grateful for the people and experiences that have made me who I am. I am so grateful for all the places I have been and the opportunities that have enlightened my life. I have learned so much.

And someday, I will be a great mom because of it!! Till then, I hold to what I know, trust the Lord, and enjoy all the great women, beautiful babies, and fun little people around me:)

The one and only

I love the gospel of Jesus Christ!! I love seeing people embrace it!! I love the good people who joyfully serve and work to share it!!

Since being home 2 people have been baptized, I have done proxy endowment sessions, I have worked with the missionaries, I have listened to and read the past year's conference talks(yay for the November Ensign!!!), I attended stake conference, I got to share my own testimony on several occasions, and I was present as a family with a wild and crazy background was sealed in the holy temple. HAPPY!!!!!

I love my Savior. I know He lives! I know God the Father loves me and has a plan for me. Even when nothing makes sense to me, I know it's all part of His plan, and therefore it will all work out eventually. Elder Henry B. Eyring said:

"Hard as things seem today, they will be better in the next day if you choose to serve the Lord this day."

Isn't that awesome?!? If you don't know what I know, or maybe you forgot, check out this link.

http://jesuschrist.lds.org/SonOfGod/eng/the-only-true-god/video/the-only-true-god-and-jesus-christ-whom-he-hath-sent

or

http://www.lds.org/

This is Christ's church, and it's alive and well in the hearts and lives of good people everywhere. I am so blessed to know that! It's what makes this crazy life worth living.

Preach and teach and work.... and play!

I have always loved missionaries. As I got older, and then served a mission myself, I saw Elders in a discerning light, and loved the good ones even more. And as I got older, they were even younger.

The current Elders in my branch are certainly good ones. In fact, these guys are the closest I have to friends-in-the-flesh right now. Elder Holder and Elder Saunders both grew up in Idaho, are on the homestretch, and are really great guys. Maybe it's cuz they are American so we understand each other. Maybe its cuz they are really funny, energetic guys, with incredible love and devotion to the gospel and to their callings. Or maybe it's because they harass me like my guy friends used to. Either way, I am so grateful for them. They have helped us with a lot of work on the house, and we have fed them a lot too:) They came out for a bonfire at our place last week and gave me roman candles to shoot off. The other day, after a morning snowfall and installing a support beam in the basment, they totally ambushed me in a snowball fight. I'm pretty sure I have bruises!

I am so grateful for them. They don't ask me questions I don't have answers to, they just joke with me, respect me, and thank me for being awesome:) They are just what I need right now. And I'm sure they have no idea. I just wish I could hug them! lol

Home is a relative term

What I thought would be a safe and happy landing in a place I knew and was comfortable in - well, wasn't. My parents weren't even in the country when I got here. Honestly, if I had known what I was coming back to, I probably would have stayed longer in France. Good thing I didn't know! Cuz in spite of the discomfort and frustration, I know I am needed here. There is soooo much work to do, and of course, dad wants to do it himself. So I am free labour, and expert home decorating advisor:)

I have had to re-define my idea of 'home.' The house I knew and grew up in, is now but a shell, literally. All the walls of the basement were torn out, and the floor jack-hammered and re-poured. The living room and kitchen have been swapped. Doors became windows and stairs now enter on the opposite side of the basement. Since I no longer have a room, I sleep in a camp trailer. However, since it is already starting to freeze, we have to go in the house for any and all plumbing. Yep, just like camping - in Canada - in the winter. Plus, with my travels around Europe, I have now been living out of a suitcase for over 2 months. Joy.

Where my room used to be

The basement

The new kitchen

I've gotten used to disappointment. I'm no stranger to being alone. I've been in odd situations before. But that doesn't make it any more enjoyable now!

I felt so much peace about coming back to Canada. For the first time ever, I wanted to be here. Perhaps this rocky homecoming is a way of reminding me that I really don't have a place here. I'm sure I can contribute to my family and church. I can learn new things like spanish, piano, and basic home renovation. I go to the gym and help the missionaries. But before long, there is a halt in progression, because I'm learning it all alone.

This town is a great place for young families. There are good people here. They are nice people. But they are too busy with their kids, careers, homes, and callings to really be my friends. They are in different places in their lives. If I was married, I think I could even put up with the winters. But as a single young adult, there is no future. I have zero dating possibilities here.

I was totally fine with being single when I was in France. I could pretty much go wherever, and do whatever I wanted to, and I had tons of diverse friends to keep life interesting. In Orlando, I was in a place I loved, close to the temple and the beach, and I had great friends around to play and eat and dance with. But when all the friends are miles away and the communication is slim to none, suddenly I feel very, very single and very, very alone.

And once again, the only place to go in to your knees. My prayers are stilled filled with gratitude, but they are longer, and accompanied by many more tears.

I hate feeling pathetic and lost. I don't like all the questions I don't have answers to. I hate looking like a failure, and disappointing my parents. I feel out of control of my life.

So I try to stay positive and count my blessings. I serve. I remind myself of all the amazing things I have seen. I focus my energies on achieving goals and progressing, in spite of my residential or relationship status.

And someday I will establish my own 'home.' It will be somewhere I can feel safe and loved. Where I can progress and learn, but also serve and teach and share. My home will be a haven of peace and positivity where the spirit can dwell, and where all who enter can find a shelter from the storms of the world. It will be a place filled with memories and souvenirs of the people, places, and adventures that have made me who I am. It will be a daily celebration of life, family, and the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Someday I will find it. For now, I guess I'm learning patience - again.