Thank you sir!

I am grateful for men who are secure and devoted enough in their own marriages to their awesome wives that they can give a sincere compliment to a single gal like me, with no strings attached. That's all :)

Another 'Bachelor' bites the dust

Just heard that Jake and Vienna have broken up. Can you say, 'I told you so'?

That makes 13 failed relationships as a product of that ridiculous show. In fact the only actual marriage was with a runner-up... The similarly themed Bachelorette show is currently 2 for 5.

So what does this tell you about dating in the artificial reality created on these shows? That it DOES NOT WORK. It may be entertaining for the love-sick who like to sit at home and watch other people's fantasy lives instead of living their own, however it is a really sad way of messing with people's emotions on national television.

But hey, who am I to judge? Each of these people were consenting adults who willingly put their lives and emotions on the televised chopping block. Maybe they are the desperate ones, unwilling to work and wait for love like the rest of us. At least they each got their 5 minutes of fame, though I can't say I want the reputations they have earned themselves with millions of people who don't even know them.

As for this most recent failure, I'm not so sure that Jake is the Captain Amazing we thought him to be at the start. Doesn't take long for the true colors to show, huh?

Pretty sure that when Jake said things like:

"I have a successful life, and live in a nice home, but it means nothing if I can't share it with someone."

What he really meant was:

"I just wanna get some. A lot actually. With lots of women who look like supermodels and are constantly throwing themselves at me. Yep."

Then he tried to pull the wool over our eyes with sweet stuff most guys would never say, like:

"I'm not looking for the most beautiful girl. I'm looking for the most beautiful heart."

and

"Love is perfect, it endures."

Gag me. How did we let his excessive sentimentality fool us? Maybe he should go into showbiz. Looks like he has a knack for acting.

How about this one:

"Nice guys don't finish last. Nice guys just have to wait a little longer sometimes."

Well Jake, time to prove you really are a nice guy and look for love the old-fashioned way, just like everyone else.

Oh this show just makes me sad! Yet at the same time, I am so grateful that I can be happily single and hopeful for real love and friendship in the future. I don't have to join a competition to get a husband, nor do I have to sit at home watching some melodramatic show and dreaming about Mr.Right. I can just live! And I know he'll show up eventually :)

You know what's cool?

I have been so busy and productive with so many different projects lately, that I hardly have time to count my blessings, nevermind worry about what I lack! I feel great! I am energized through the limited sleep, and I smile through the pain of my messed up back because everything I am doing is so valuble and rewarding :)
The best part is that I don't have time to be lonely! I am surrounded by good people, and we are working together to bring about great things for other good people. (although I do owe some catch-up phone calls to many of my dear far-away friends.... I have not forgotten, promise!)
And every so often I get in a random episode on DVD to remind me that cute guys like Finn and Chuck and Clark and Jim exist out there (at least in TV land), and someday I'll have one around. But I simply don't have time to think about that right now! Isn't that awesome?!

Hope Floats

It has been the theme of my year. (check it) We have had hope for Haiti, hope for change, and hope for a cure. I cannot escape this word and all that it represents in my life right now!

I found this rock on my visit to Utah a few months ago, in a shop devoted to free trade and empowering local producers all over the world. It has this beautiful word etched into it by hand.

I now work for an amazing organization, Habitat for Humanity, who's motto is 'Building homes. Building hope.' This experience has been enough to warrant a post of it's own!

And a few weeks ago, I attended the Relay for Life all-night fundraiser in our town. It was the culminating night of a campaign to raise money for cancer research; bringing together survivors, families, and an entire community in the celebration of life and the battle against cancer. Though it was a chilly night with drizzly rain that turned into snow by morning, it was a beautiful reminder of all the reasons I have to hope.

At one point, I walked alone around the lake where all the tribute luminaries were lined up along the path. There were hundreds of lights representing hundreds of souls who lost their battles with cancer. My thoughts turned to all the wonderful people I have lost to this impossible, unpredictable disease. I was so full of love for the cancer heroes in my own life, and at the same time, felt so much sorrow and frustration for the injustice of their passing. Cancer is one illness I will never understand, nor will I even try. It simply doesn't make any sense. Young, perfectly heath-conscious people die of cancer everyday while chain smokers of forty years live to be a hundred. It seams to me that cancer is one of God's ways of forcing us to let go and turn to Him. Because no matter how hard we fight, if he decides it's time, it is time, and there is nothing we can do to stop it.

As I looked across the lake, I saw a few luminaries arranged in the form of my theme word. My heart lifted again. I wiped the tears from my eyes and thought back to all the beautiful moments I shared with my best friend, my grandfather, and so many other good people who were taken by cancer. I was overcome with gratitude for them, and for the tiny slice of life I got to share with each one of them. And then I felt an even greater gratitude and love for the life I have been given and the people who are a part of it now.

Life is so fragile and fleeting, and yet I am here, now with all the opportunities and possibilities in the world laying out ahead of me. In spite of all the injustice and pain, that simple and powerful thought fills my heart with HOPE!!

Island Fever

As the Marketing and Events Coordinator (nice title huh? I made it up myself.lol) for Habitat for Humanity this summer, I am working on a Polynesian luau dinner show as a fundraiser. We have had an amazing response from the community, and local businesses have been so generous in their donations of time and services.

Since I want this event to be both authentic and amazing, I have been up to my ears in research on Polynesian food, dancing, customs, language, dress, history, etc. Suddenly I am trying to learn 3 different island languages, I'm fantasizing about tropical vacations and work exchange programs to these beautiful places, and most of all, I have been mesmerized by the culture. I just want to go there and experience it all! Where, you ask? For starters: Hawaii, Tahiti, New Zealand, Tonga, Fiji, Samoa, Easter Island, the Philippines, and then every little island in between.

And I think I need to find myself a Polynesian man... or at least a hot rugby player with an appreciation for culture ;)


Can you blame me??

When did I become a hippy?

My sweetener of choice is honey.
My lotion must have aloe, cocoa butter, natural oils, and nothing I can't pronounce.
My cookies must be freshbaked and preferably whole grain, processed foods taste so... fake.
Cotton is vital to my wardrobe, polyester has very little place there.
I try to recycle just about everything I can.
My meat and eggs are all locally farm-grown.

How on earth am I going to survive on a student budget now that I understand more, and actually care what I am giving my body??

Utah... who knew?

As many of you already know, I have been accepted to the Master's program in Educational Psychology at the University of Utah. I am both thrilled and nervous about beginning this new phase of my life.

When I returned to Canada last October, reality hit harder than ever. Although I had had some amazing experiences, all I had to show for it were a few thousand photos and an empty bank account. I was lost as to how to proceed with my life, or what I even wanted to do. Though I enjoyed working in tourism and event planing, I knew that these were neither meaningful nor sustainable careers. When the economy slows down, the luxury spending on vacations and parties are among the first things to go. I needed more stability than that. I also wanted to feel like what I did was making a difference, so instead of making a few kids happy for a day, maybe I could help build them up for life...

All that, along with my love for communication and education, led me to teaching. This is something I can do as a mother, that will help with my own kids, and if nothing else, I can teach and nurture children now, while I wait for my own. With the world getting more harsh and difficult every day, I want to empower kids to be their best and to love goodness. I believe so many lost souls could have made it if someone had believed in them.

Since my undergrad was in Communication, I next had to find a Master's program that included teaching certification. If I am going to spend another 2 years in school to certify, then I might as well get a Master's degree too!

I narrowed down the areas I wanted to live to Florida, Texas, D.C., or Utah. I wanted to be close to friends, and preferably in a warmer climate (although almost anything is warmer than Canada!) The Florida deadlines were all too early to make. Texas didn't really have the program I needed. UVU didn't accept international students to their teaching program. Then I discovered the degree at the University of Utah. It seemed ideal for my goals, gave me a more legit degree than just a Master's of Teaching, and was right down the road from plenty of good friends.

The GRE was miserable, the application process was long and complicated, and the preparation stressful. However, I got everything in on time, and proceeded to spend the next month traveling and playing with some of my favorite American friends.

By mid-April I was getting antsy, so I got online to check my status. It said "Admitted." I read that page over and over, afraid it was going to change or something. Then a week later, I got a letter in the mail with the same exciting news. I got in! They want me! And suddenly the reality of this commitment began to sink in.

There are a few things about this whole scheme that really showed a divine hand guiding me through - and it's a good thing, cuz I have had my doubts! First of all, I got in! It is a competitive program at a great university, and I am no genius. Obviously they think I am up to it though, so I best believe in myself too.

Second, I have never wanted to live in Utah, in fact, I think I have fairly successfully avoided it, until now. It is a beautiful place to visit, but I have had a little too many negative experiences with some arrogant, ignorant, "Utards" as they say. Please forgive the slang, but I see this as a whole different breed from the Utahans I totally respect and adore. I just feel like a lot of people who live there take so much for granted. They have created this "holier than thou" attitude, when in many cases, they haven't got the backbone or base of testimony to survive anywhere but "Zion." That being said, may I reapeat that some of my favorite people, whom I love and admire the most are from Utah, and do not fit this mold at all. But those other ones had me scared off. I have come to realize that I will find ignorant, selfish people anywhere I go. Instead of worrying about dealing with them, perhaps I can focus on destroying that stereotype, and being my best self in spite of them. Plus, I am actually pretty excited about being in a city surrounded by the serenity and adventure of the mountains, while also being a major center filled with culture, professional sports, temples, restaurants, and a major airport. Fun times are coming, I can feel it!

After I was accepted I began to second guess myself, wondering why I hadn't applied to schools in New York, Hawaii, or some other exciting place. But I chose Salt Lake City in the first place, because I wanted to be close to my best friend Kjersti, who recently moved up to teaching high school theatre after a few years of teaching junior high. She has been much of my inspiration in wanting to teach, and she has been the one friend to stick with me through all my adventures and foreign habitations. She always visits me, keeps regular contact, and reminds me of my worth and potential. She seems to know just when I need her, and I know I can count on her - even on the other side of the world. For some mysterious reason, she is also single, so I decided we should at least live close so we can be single together :) Soon we will be roommates again, so I am very excited for the many adventures to come, especially as she tackles this new role in a high school.

The other thing that has happened lately, is that I have become involved in my community here. My boring little city is growing so fast, and now has fun events, diverse culture, great sports teams and organizations. I feel like I am appreciated and valued here. Suddenly the idea of going tens of thousand of dollars in debt, and losing my freedom to travel and move for a few years does not seem so appealing. In a way, I wish I could just stay a little longer and save a little more money and travel a little more...

However, I know that I can't progress much farther here spiritually and emotionally. I need sociality! I need friends to get to know, love and serve, and good men to flirt with and date. I need progression. I need a career that will leave me feeling challenged and rewarded, regardless of the pay. It is time to move on to the next chapter of my life, and I have very clearly been directed to do so in Utah.

So now I work as much as I can to prepare for the big move, and keep myself busy so that the next 8 weeks go by as quickly as possible! And though it still snows in Utah, it is just a short flight from Orlando, where I'll always have a home to escape to. I know that this right for me, that Salt Lake is where I need to be, and now is the time. I can't wait to discover a whole new kind of happy in my life there :)