Baby Ache

When I was back home in October, I had a brief visit with my brother. He is happily married and they have an adorable little boy. I love the fun little family they are building :) Well, I was asking about my nephew and feeling sad for all his 'growing up' that I am missing out on, and he made a comment about how I need to get some kids of my own.

Tell me about it.

I would love to be a mom! I love little ones! From birth to around the time teenage retardation hits, they just fascinate me! (after that, things just get a little more challenging.lol) I love to talk with them, play with them, hold, comfort, and clean up after them. There is just so much happiness and love in every child! A few months ago my friends lost their 5-day-old baby, and although his passing was so very sad, even in his brief life you could feel so much overpowering love!

So yes, I would love to be a mother. I'd love to have my own little people to care for, connect with, and teach. I would love to wake up at 3am to feed my baby. I'd love to change diapers and chase toddlers. I'd love to wipe away tears and listen to stories.

Unfortunately, parenthood is not something I can do alone.

I mean, technically, I could - but I couldn't. Parenthood is an adventure meant for two; an experience to be shared with my best friend and love of my life. Since I haven't quite figured out who that is yet, I am still years away from the exhaustion and exhilaration of raising my own children.

In the meantime I am so grateful to good friends who share little glimpses of the precious gift they enjoy every day. There is the spunky 7-year-old daughter of a bishopric member. The sweet new babies and toddlers my friends bring along when we visit. The beautiful photos of growth and progress on their blogs. The smiles of random babies in the grocery store. These amazing little people just make my heart so happy!!

All I can say is that is what life is about. There is no better feeling in the world than calming a troubled child and having them fall asleep in your arms. No sound is sweeter than baby laughter, and no compliment more sincere than one from a child. There is so much love in such simple things!

And perhaps no ache is so painful as the empty arms of a would-be mother. I've felt this way for so long, and yet the older I get, the more complicated it seems to be to put all the pieces in place for this dream to become a reality.

I am so grateful for the little glimpses of family love. I'm grateful for the kind, faithful examples of my friends who are experiencing parenthood - many after a long wait of their own. They inspire me and give me hope for my own future. (this is my nephew when he was about 3 months old and one very happy auntie - someday I hope to smile like that for my own kids)

But that's about all I can do for now - keep hoping, trusting, and putting one foot in front of the other. I cherish the beautiful moments I have with these precious little ones, and look forward to a time when I can experience the adventure of motherhood for myself. Some day...