I am a dreamer and a schemer. I always have been. I like to take chances and go on adventures. I believe all things are possible if you want them badly enough and are willing to fight for them. Of course, I also think there is a careful balance to be found between my own will, and that of the Lord. However, I believe He wants me to be happy and therefore pursue my dreams.
Lots of people look at my life and think, "Wow, you've done so many cool things! You've traveled to so many places and you have so many friends. Your life is so exciting!"
And they are right. I have done some pretty cool stuff. I took the opportunities that came my way, and I have been very blessed.
But sometimes I think that I just keep setting myself up for disappointment. The higher you reach, the further you have to fall when someone pulls the step out from under you. The bigger the dream, the bigger the heartache when it gets squashed.
Maybe if I wasn't such a dreamer I wouldn't get so hurt. Maybe I wouldn't feel so alone. Maybe I would keep the same job for more than a year. Maybe I would actually establish myself somewhere. Maybe I could be a mom.
Is that the price of happiest? Giving up the crazy dreams for the sheer chance of stability, acceptance, real love... Or do I keep searching amongst the impossibilities?
And if I stop dreaming and scheming and fighting and believing, would I really still be me?
1 comment:
Remember at the end of Hitch when Will Smith is talking about taking risks? He says that Sarah (Eva) is worth jumping off a cliff for. She is worth falling for. And he only prays that she is there to catch him. We all say "ohhhhh... cute!" And then we see that it works out in the end.
The only difference between that and real life is A WHOLE LOT! You don't have a script, you don't have an audience, and you don't have someone paying you lots of millions to act like your heart is hurting.
But you are falling. And you are jumping. And you are hurting. And I am sorry.
I love you.
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