Perspective

I have been doing entirely too much thinking lately. It is quite honestly weighing me down - more than my usually stressed tendencies! But my entire life perspective has changed over the past two weeks. All the things that might concern a single, 26-year-old Mormon working girl seem relatively meaningless right now. It's a new sort of stress. I feel very heavy, yet so fortunate, and divinely sustained. Thank heaven for my testimony of the Atonement!

I got a call Wednesday July 30 from my best friend's husband. She's been battling cancer for a couple years; this last year has been awful. I have left about a million messages for her, and only talked to her a handful of times. Each time she seems a little more distant and tired. So a call from her husband was an instant sign of bad news.

As predicted, they hit a wall. She has had about every treatment imaginable and her body just isn't responding anymore. They finally gave her a time frame, and it was 2-4 weeks.

So I bought a plane ticket that night and flew out the next day. I've never done that before. I'm kicking myself for not going to see her sooner, but it just never worked out. Anyway, I just got to spend a week with some of the most adorable people in the world.

My beautiful friend had some really rough days while i was there, and some better days, depending on the balance of drugs and how well her pain was controlled. She doesn't look much like the girl I remember, but she's still my best friend:) I got to spend one afternoon with her, just the two of us, and we talked, laughed, sang, listened to music and reminisced. We talked about her husband and kids, whom I spent most of that week with. She thanked me for coming out, not just for her, but for them, and for being a light and support they needed. She was not happy with her body, but at peace with her situation, and comforted in knowing that everyone would be taken care of without her. It was such a precious time to just be with my dear friend; to help her relax and remember the happy times we've had. I will always remember that afternoon, and I'm so grateful for it.

During that week I also changed diapers, made meals, tucked into bed, played, sang, braided hair, and dressed up for church two of the world's most amazing children. I love them so much! I have since each of them were born, but after being with them that week, I would give my left arm for those kids. It was so hard to leave!

And finally, I had the opportunity to get to know their father in a way I had never seen before. He was just a punk guy who fell for my roommate almost seven years ago. Although he had always been a good guy - taking care of her and checking up on me during my calls and visits, I didn't give him a whole lot of credit. But he has grown so much! Now he is basically a single father. He carries the weight of many worlds on his tired shoulders and seems to have everyone dumping on him despite his already terribly difficult situation. So i was there for him to vent to. I'm a friend with love and concern for each one of them, without being so involved to push my opinions or have to dump on him too. He just needed someone else to lean on for a bit, and i hope it lightened his load a little. He's just 28 with massive medical debt, childcare concerns, work situations, and he's losing his sweet wife. All things considered, he's doing amazingly well, and still managing to smile occasionally. And he's got a tight, awesome family right by his side. He is a good man, even at his weakest and most trying times. I learned so much from talking with him, and I feel so blessed for the time i spent with his loving family.

I was nervous about this trip, cuz i didn't know what to expect. I prayed to be able to bring some happiness into their lives and lighten their load a little. I believe I did just that, and I too, have been changed because of it. The Lord may not always answer our prayers the way we want, but He is listening, and He knows what's best. The heavy times help us appreciate and turn to Him to lighten our load:)