Sunday, March 7, 2010

So many beautiful reasons I have to be happy!

My life has been packed full of lots of happy events, news, plans, and experiences lately, and I haven't even gotten on here to share the fun! However, I must report very exciting news I got yesterday - only a week and a half after my interview.

I finally get to be an EFY counselor!!

Since I first attended EFY, I have wanted to return as a counselor. I have applied several times, interviewed once, canceled an interview, and every year managed to be unavailable for the necessary summer weeks. Now that I am 28, this is my last opportunity, so I am ecstatic to live another of my dreams:)

I'll be spending the first 2 weeks of August in Calgary with some of the best young people Western Canada has to offer; loving all the sleepless nights and hectic days. The timing is perfect, because if all goes well I will get home just in time to pack my car and head to grad school... but that is an announcement I must wait to make.

Yay!! Life has gotten pretty dang good since I decided to stay home this summer. Who knew? :)

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

That's me. So apparently I have reached a new all-time low, right when I thought I was actually doing a lot better.

Nothing like choking down a little humble pie before bed.

Monday, March 1, 2010

How can you watch a whole season of this stuff??

I caught the last 15 minutes of The Bachelor tonight, and a little of the aftershow. And that was more than enough to test both my patience and my gag reflex.

First of all, how can any decent man think it is okay to kiss, sleep with, and otherwise mess around with so many different women at once?? Oh right, he's a MAN. In real life he would be considered a total player and manwhore, but he's doing it on TV so it's okay... What?!?!?
At the end of the season, he's supposed to propose, yet how many marriages have come from this show? One, last week, and he married the girl he originally rejected. Most of the others broke up after a few months of real life. What a mockery of how important marriage is and should be!

I really hate how this show plays with the lives and emotions of real people. Maybe a few of them just wanted to be noticed or something, but there were several people who had their hearts crushed with America watching. The media creates images of these people, labeling them as good or bad without allowing the objective experience of getting to know someone. Ugh! It literally makes me ill to think that we can be so easily swayed by certain perspectives and opinions, and what's worse, that we often lash back with our own insults to fuel the fire. I fell into that too. Sorry Vienna.

So many women pine for their "dream man" while imagining up every romantic detail. We have amazing minds, and we can create the perfect situation without ever realizing that the man may not even be on the same track. Shows like this feed that irrational train of thought and create emotional wrecks out of grown women. Of course they all wanted to spent their lives with him! In an ideal world of luxury dates, no work, and little touch with reality, who wouldn't?
However, I must admit that Jake had a point, although he probably didn't even realize it. There isn't necessarily ONE person out there for us; one soulmate we are destined to be with or not. There are certain people we have stronger connections with, but it is still up to us to choose. Men often need that "magical feeling," that "spark" to help them take the leap and commit to one person. I believe Jake did have genuine feelings for Tenley, because he was dating both of them at the same time! Of course he was confused! However the difference, the spark, the feeling, whatever "it" is, was only there with Vienna and so he chose her.
Perhaps it is my "wise," many-times-broken heart speaking, but if more people could just understand that and get on with life, they would be so much happier. I have been on both sides of the heartache. I know how it feels to love a person so much you can't imagine life without them, but they walk away because "it" just isn't there for them. And I know what it is like to genuinely care for someone who wants to be with you, but something intangible is still missing. Either way it isn't fun, but I've still managed to heal, move on and try again.

Marriage is a big decision - a forever choice. Painful as it is, I would rather a man walk away than stick around wishing for something that isn't there, or pretending it is. The connection has to be completely mutual. It's not like it's impossible! I know so many happy people who have found "it" - some of my ex's included!

I believe that someday, someone will feel "it" with me. I'll feel "it" too, and we will choose to build our forever together!! It's not a matter of fate, but of knowing who you are, what you want, and having faith in the possibilities. And it's not a decision to be made over several weeks of dream-dating multiple people under the subjective eye of a national television audience. It's one that will come when you're just out there living life! And till it happens, you've got all sorts of living, loving, and learning to do with the people along the way. Not on a competitive elimination "reality" show.