Tonight a friend of my parents suggested that instead of teaching ESL (English as a Second Language) I should teach OSL - Old, Single Language. Yep, cuz I've got old and alone mastered.
As soon as I processed what he said, I had to leave before I let the tears win, or said something rude out of anger. Considering the fact that next week is my big, scary, officially-old birthday, and I haven't slept much lately, that was rough. Somehow his skewed sense of humor had no clue how this little jab felt more like a punch in the face.
I can't speak for all single women, but personally, I don't choose to be single. I never imagined I would not be married by now! I don't want to go through life alone! I want to set up roots and build a family! I want to have the big, special day and the white dress and the temple covenants and the flowers and the eternal promises! I want to have someone to care for, learn from, and build forever with!!
However, only half of that equation is within my control (even less if you consider location, timing, and chemistry).
So I am trying to make the most of the opportunities that come my way. I'm doing my best to be happy in spite of what I lack. I'm doing what I can to serve, love, learn and progress. I am just trying to live the life I have been given, one step at a time. And someday, somehow, some wonderful man I can't seem to get enough of will love me enough to spend forever with me!
Or not. It's such a mysterious and miraculous thing, it may never happen! The point is, it's not funny. It's not sad or to be pitied either. It just is what it is - my reality. And besides, I'm really not that old! Most people think I'm 5 years younger anyway!
So please don't harass me for something I have very little control over and is a very obvious deficit in my life. Honestly, I often forget until someone decides to slice open the topic again - and then rub a handful of salt in it. Awesome.
