Thursday, January 14, 2016

Getting lost - and what I found along the way.

Six months ago I arrived in Abidjan, Côte-d’Ivoire. Today I find myself in Laie, Hawaii, after months of education, adventure, and growth in France, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and New York City.

Say whaaaaaaaaat???

That is about how I feel, so I can only imagine what others must think of my extraordinary life. Allow me to fill you in a little on how I got to this point, and the amazing the series of experiences that have guided my decisions along the way. Even in these short few months and in such simple ways, I can look back and see a very specific purpose for each step along the way. I can never doubt the presence of a higher power guiding my life, because I couldn't have imagined all this myself!

The first half of 2015 was a bit of a roller coaster. I took several leaps of faith and repeatedly fell flat on my face. With my work ending and no future opportunities coming together, I felt pretty lost. In spite of the job rejections and failures, I decided to just keep moving forward as if I did have somewhere to go at the end of June. Around that time I had read a story about a family who lived their life in faith, as if the blessings were coming, and at the right time they did come, and the family was perfectly prepared for them. So instead of leaping again, I decided to simply use my faith to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Africa

That was when the opportunity was presented to go as a translator to the West African country of Ivory Coast with my Dad and a few BYUH students, to work with an NGO there. I knew I was joining the group late - only three 3 weeks before leaving - and it quickly became apparent that things were not very well organized for the trip. As an experienced traveler and almost-obsessive organizer, I wanted to help, but the guy in charge of the NGO - and therefore the whole trip - was adamant to do things himself. Although it was frustrating, I still felt good about going. I thought maybe it could lead to future professional opportunities, while giving my resources to those in need.

I also decided that I would move to Calgary, Alberta upon my return. I liked the city, there were lots of fun people with similar age and religious background to myself, and once I got there I was sure to find work. I also applied for my Alberta teaching certification so that, at the very least, I could substitute teach until I found something more permanent. It seemed like a smart and logical next step for me, and a good location to finally establish myself.

So I packed and prepared for the trip, while also putting things in motion to move to Calgary when I got back. As I prayed about my plans, I felt good and almost excited! It was the first thing to actually work out for me in months!





A canceled flight prolonged our travels, (and also planted a seed in my mind about Montreal) but eventually we made it to Abidjan. Many people have since asked me what I thought of the Ivory Coast (Côte-d’Ivoire). Honestly, the country itself is lovely! The jungles were lush and full of life. The cities busy and fascinating. The people we met were generally kind, respectful, resourceful, and hard-working. In fact, I was so impressed by how respectful and supportive the men were, both to the women in our group, and to their wives and the women in their villages and congregations. This had not been my previous experience with African men I had encountered through rude comments and cat calls in other countries. I cannot tell you how much I noticed and appreciated this difference!

The first couple days were uplifting, exciting and interesting. Unfortunately, it didn't last. There were some good moments, but overall it was a pretty miserable trip. This difficulty had very little to do with the location or the people we were trying to help. The bigger issue was the poor organization and mistreatment from the people in charge of our group.

     

     

I wish we had been able to experience more of the local people and the country itself, instead of being so contained and controlled in our little group. I won't re-hash all the sordid details here (it still gives me major anxiety when I think about it), but we decided to leave on day 10, halfway through the planned trip.

As soon as we decided to leave, both Dad and I felt an amazing wave of peace and joy come over us, and everything fell perfectly into place. We came into contact with so many kind and wonderful people who helped our quick and easy departure. Within a few hours of our decision to leave, we found ourselves on a nearly-empty, amazing flight with Corsair (if you ever get the chance, fly with them!) We kept looking at each other in amazement at how smoothly our departure had gone, and how wonderful it felt to be free of that whole situation!

France



That put us about 10 days ahead of our plan, so we ended up exploring Paris for a week on the way home. This had been my plan all along - though a week later - but Dad was just going to go home. It was so much fun to be able to show Dad around my former stomping grounds! He has never been a huge fan of France, but he genuinely enjoyed this trip, which was particularly satisfying :)


     

We rented a car, checked out the LDS temple construction site in Versailles, spent a day at Disneyland Paris, got to see so many of my beloved friends from both my work at Disney and my mission years, and just enjoyed being free to go and do and eat wherever and whatever we wanted!

     

We were able to connect with local people and enjoy the local experience in a whole new way. We also managed to get our return flights sorted out, with reliable internet and a phone. Yay!

Most importantly, we drove up to Vimy Ridge to see the Canadian First World War memorial, and tour the area where Dad's grandfather fought and survived. That experience is a part of our family legacy and who we are. Visiting that sacred ground with my dad was both humbling and inspiring! All of our time in France was simply lovely :)



But here's the best part!

Although it was frustrating and confusing, somehow that whole experience taught me exactly what I needed to kick-start the change I needed in my life, and help me make some decisions about what I really want and need for my future.

1. I need to teach. Translating and teaching French to the BYUH students were among the best experiences I had in Africa. I loved finding ways to help them understand the new language and information. I loved the challenge of translating instructions for my dad to the local people. It was amazing to see their eyes light up with understanding.

2. On that note, I want to use my language skills. I love connecting with people in their own language. Even a limited understanding of foreign language can tear down barriers and divisions to enlarge understanding and build bonds. I have spent a lot of time learning and developing language skills in French and Spanish and I need to make more effort to keep and improve those skills.

3. I don't ever want to work for a controlling, demeaning dictator of a boss, or put up with anyone who punishes me for trying to be my best. So I want to find something fulfilling that I can do for work while maintaining my freedom and independence.

4. I can do good wherever I am. I don't have to fly across the world or put up with mistreatment while fixing problems in Africa to prove I have good to offer the world. I can add to goodness to any place that I live! And I will! I will continually strive to improve myself so that I can serve and be of greater use wherever I happen to be.

In addition to these lessons and the amazing clarity I gained through the challenges of Africa, my confidence was boosted and rebuilt through the joys of France on the way home. So many of these wonderful people that I hadn't seen in years had such kind and complimentary things to say about me when meeting my dad, and I feel so humbled to have left such an impact on the very people who had taught me so much. Such an amazing blessing!!















The clarity and confidence were just the combination I needed to start making some different decisions for my life. I don't know that I had to trek across the world to figure this out, but I am so very grateful for the little bits of inspiration that showed up to me along the way of this grand adventure!

Canada

Upon my return, things started rolling quickly - in a whole new direction. Moving to Calgary no longer felt right at all. I began to recognize that, in a way, that plan was like giving up on the real me and what fulfills and impassions me, to do what is expected or what I "should" do at this point in my life - settle into a stable job and life and hope to find a husband.

Ugh.

Of course there was no one specific telling me this, but it somehow I had felt that pressure. And I know there is nothing at all wrong with that path; it is okay and even ideal for a lot of great people. However, I realized that I would not last long in that situation. I would be fine of course. I would survive, but maybe not thrive... And as long as it is just me in this awesome life, I want to thrive! And when I am thriving and happy, I can give and serve so much more!

So, after our extended layover in Montreal I determined to try moving out there. I could use my French daily and maybe get back into teaching. I had been waiting on my Alberta teaching certification, and realized that although I had enough French credits to teach high school in Canada, my master’s program didn't give me ESL teaching credentials outside of Utah. And wasn't likely to find work teaching French in a city full of native speakers. So I determined to find the most internationally-recognized English teaching certification.

Before long I found the CELTA course through Cambridge English. As an international program, it is offered by institutions around the world, so I could have taken it just about anywhere. Then my ultra-pragmatic dad suggested, “If you can go anywhere, why not go somewhere fun?"

Yeah why not?!

Thus the scheming began! I looked into places I love that I would want to spend more time, like New York or Florida. I considered moving early to Montreal and taking it there. Then I started thinking about the places I hadn't been...

I then spent the next month or so working on renovation projects to top up my savings to pay for the course and ensuing adventures, all the while saying my goodbyes and packing up my life. I also finally received reimbursement for treatments from a car accident last year, so that definitely helped with the upcoming expenses! I was busy, but so productive and happy - it was awesome! I had found purpose again! Although physically exhausting, it was probably one of the happiest times I have spent in my home town. The pieces all started coming together!

Australia

I have always wanted to go to Australia - like for as long as I can remember. And I didn't want it to be just a vacation, because it is so expensive and intense just to get over there. It also happened that have a dear friend and former mission companion living with her husband and kids in the state of Victoria, and I had wanted to visit sometime before they came back to the US. With that in mind, and inspired by my dad, I searched for CELTA courses in Victoria. I found an intensive one-month course in Melbourne - the nearest major city - and the course became my excuse to go live my Australian dream!

Once I made the decision to go, I prayed so hard to find a good place to live where I could feel comfortable and have what I needed, without having to spend a ton on rent. Miraculously, I found this amazing place on Airbnb, below my budget and in an awesome neighbourhood close to everything I needed. Everything fell beautifully into place, and in mid-September, a few days before my course began, I took the massive flight to the southern hemisphere.

My friend Jill had helped me prepare for the trip and was my first contact once I arrived. After a few days of settling into my new home and working through the jet lag, we spent a lovely girls' weekend meeting the local critters on Phillip Island. Penguins! In real life!!





Sunday I attended church in one of the friendliest wards ever, and Monday I ventured out to my first day of class.

My classmates were fascinating, and I found instant friends that I would have never predicted. Through our lessons and discussions, I felt over and over how much I was in the right place at the right moment. Especially when facilitating a class! I felt so at home with those students from everywhere, with their at-once heartbreaking and inspiring stories.





Everything came together perfectly during my stay, from the course to my hilarious and interesting classmates to warm church experiences to the perfect housing situation. Not to mention that my housemate for the month was among the kindest people I have ever known, and is now a dear friend. It was like I had been perfectly guided to Melbourne. I loved it all! There is so much history and culture, with great food and lots to see and do. It felt very European but with all the right North American twists to make me feel right at home.



After so much fell apart over the previous months, I cannot tell you how humble and grateful I felt for every day in that place!! I found so much peace and felt so many simple joys flooding back into my life as I met fascinating new people and wandered the streets of that city. It felt like getting to know myself again - and yet I also became more confident than I had ever been - in a calm, content way. I found myself walking home at night with a huge smile on my face over the smallest things! I would sit in church reflecting on all the amazing goodness in my life and feel this beautiful sense of peace and joy fill my heart. I felt like I was finding my soul again and it was being filled to the brim with blessings!! And it still blows my mind that the entire thing from first idea to stepping on the plane happened in just 6 weeks. A-MAZ-ING.

The ensuing travels and adventures only added to the wonderful things I am still learning about myself, and I'll tell more about that another day. The personal journey I took over theses precious, amazing, unexpected months was more than I could have hoped for and exactly what I needed. Who knew that it would take so many failed attempts to stop fighting for my logical plan, and give in and let God lead me?

So that's the story! Nothing at all like what I was planning for my life! Clearly, the Lord has other plans for me... And I am certainly not complaining :)

There are more awesome things in the works, but all that will come in good time. I certainly have learned a lot about patience this year! And I am so grateful for it! I have learned to just step back, enjoy and make the most of the moments and places I am in. And I have gained a whole new appreciation for the carefully crafted plan my Father in Heaven has for me. It was not always be easy, but life in His hands is filled with love, light, joy and adventure. We just have to trust His guidance through the winding roads and storms along the way ;)